Every Friday
black friday hauls, crawling to christmas, scary numbers on the scale
Relay could not be more back. Stuffed and back. We hope everyone had at least 24 hours of meaningful time offline last week.
We’ve been texting less about the latest tech lore and more about Red Rising and Way of Kings. Jack is still off YouTube and out deer hunting. Macke was in the depths of a snowy Midwest last weekend. James is floating home ownership. And I (Ian) did a Red Rising same-day-delivery order to start participating in our group chat again.
Scrolling this week mostly featured prediction markets, gift guides, and Spotify wrapped’s fraudulent listening age feature. There’s none of that in here this week, but we did save a few Black Friday items for you to scroll. Lets get into it.
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
– Johnny Carson
”Whatever comes, face it on your feet.”
— Robert Jordan
Top of Mind
Playing Santa Does Strange Things to a Man (Esquire)
“Bob passed the drug test, strapped fat pads onto his lanky frame, and slipped into a one-size-fits-all red suit. He met children in a cottage decorated with tattered gift-wrapped boxes and seventies-era toys still hot-glued to the shelves. So many kids wanted miracles for dying mothers and divorced parents. One boy was missing part of his ear and wanted to look like everyone else. Jesus, kid, Bob thought. You’re supposed to ask me for like a basketball or a Nintendo.
One night, a man sat in a Santa’s lap and pressed a gun to his head. “I always wanted to hold up Santa,” he said. But more often the antics were limited to trench-coat flashers and drunk women groping around for Santa’s North Pole.”
I didn’t expect a profile of a department store Santa to be the best thing I’ve read all month, but here we are. There’s an informal fraternity of Santas from the glory days of Macy’s Santaland — mostly down-and-outs who, for one month a year, got to cosplay as beloved community figures and use the paycheck to catch up on rent.
For Bob Rutan, it starts as a gig. He’s between roles, needs the cash, and throws on the suit. But then the kids believe and the parents start to lean in. And Bob — a struggling actor with child support payments who can’t book a toothpaste commercial — becomes the vessel for everyone’s unspoken hopes.
They tell him they want a new kidney. Or for their parents to get back together. For world peace. Eventually, he climbs the Macy’s corporate ladder (spoiler: he loses it all). But for a while, the gig is a calling for him.
Who knew a piece about a guy making eleven bucks an hour in a mall Santa suit could sneak up on you with a hero’s journey? If you need to get into the Christmas spirit, this one’s worth your time.
The History of Hiking Boots, (
)“I have to admit I don’t do any actual hiking but I do love me some well-built retro-looking hiking boots in winter.”
Beyond the fact that we too love some well-built boots in the winter. This article was what felt like something new and fresh. Well researched, cool graphics, a deep dive on a random topic that you might not otherwise heavily research. Just digging into a topic for the sake of digging in.
Also I can’t for the life of me break in my Red Wing Heritage Moc Toes, so if you have tips, leave them in the comments.
ICYMI: Happy Hour Edition
We’re attempting to find the edge between the two.
“The Macrons are represented by Thomas Clare, an American defamation lawyer who’s also rep’d Sarah Palin and WeWork’s Adam Neumann. He admits the trial will be “incredibly intrusive” for the Macron family, yet he’s confident she will emerge victorious.”
“Some restaurants are just better in the wintertime. Moody lighting, wood clad, and rich dishes where they have to roll you out after you eat them.”
“If you combine the NYSE and TBPN, do you get a BFD? Apparently.”
Inside the NYSE’s surprising partnership with TBPN, the LA-based video podcast dominating tech media
Best of Substack this Week
11’s: Places to Take a Friend You’re Trying to Convince to Move to NYC
– Lorenzo Bongiovanni
This Week in Relay’s Shopping Cart
Ridge Cotton Polo, Knickerbocker (Zach)
To preface my haul, most of the shopping I did on Black Friday was dedicated to a dresser and some shelves. However I did manage to pick up a couple things.
Knickerbocker is one of my favorite brands in New York. Last year I bought this same polo in green; I couldn’t miss the opportunity to buy it in the new birch color, on sale.
Linen Blend Drape Shirt, Every Other Thursday (Zach)
EOT runs 1 sale a year, and it is so good. I’m taking a flier on this one, but for $40, lets see how bad it looks on me.
Bird Head Toque, Arc’Teryx (Zach)
This didn’t even end up going on sale, but I needed to add to my: insufferable runner on the west side highway of Manhattan collection.
Double Snap Hoodie, (Jack)
I’m not a big Black Friday user myself, but beyond a couple gift pickups for my loved ones I did throw in a few for myself.
Here we have some more EOT for you, thank you Macke for getting us started. I have a literal closet full of sweatshirts and hoodies collected over the years that WILL need to be purged prior to my now scarily near-term moving date, but the double snap is just an enticing design choice that I apparently had to have.
Dickies 874, (Jack)
Now, I’m not exactly reigning in groundbreaking Black Friday savings with these, but I have a perpetual pants problem and maybe these classics will be the cure to all of my woes. Fingers crossed, this could be it. I’ll keep you posted.
M2 Pro 5” Lined Short, (Jack)
They’re so good I’m featuring them again. Perfect length, perfect pockets, perfect liner. Snagged these before the latest batch sold out.
Alto Fusion Eyeglasses, (Ian)
Earlier this year I lost my sunglasses in New York and eyeglasses in San Diego almost back to back weekends. 40% off and will be sleeping with them on so I know where they are at all times. I refuse to misplace them.
It’s Not That Deep, Randy
Thanks for reading—or for mega scrolling all the way down here.
The internet is an overwhelming mess of headlines, ads, and mid takes from the worst people you know. Big Tech owns our attention spans. Everything is content. Nothing makes sense.
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